Television

Do you advertise? No, neither do we. But a number of our colleagues do, and others are considering it. Whether or not that is a Good Thing we will leave for another time. The intent of this article, and of others to come in this series, is to lend guidance and advice for those who have chosen to take the plunge, as to how advertising is done. We will not presume to offer our own thoughts or opinions, however; we are hardly experts. Instead, we will attempt to distill the wisdom gained by those who have gone before. Local lawyer advertising has, we are told, been successful, and so we can usefully seek to learn from that success. Our discussion will therefore chiefly concern the way our Pima County and Arizona colleagues do things. (This is a nut-and-bolts, how-to article, so we will not bother with pesky things like the Rules of the Supreme Court regarding advertising; you can always have an associate read them to you.)

To begin, we address the most controversial, costly, and difficult medium: television.

When considering TV advertising there is a basic decision that must be made at the outset: should you appear in the commercial yourself? Opinions vary and no consensus has emerged, though most local practitioners seem to have opted for a personal appearance, if only as a cameo at the end. We have no recommendation on the subject.

If you decide to appear yourself, however, there are a number of considerations to keep in mind:

1. Get Harold Hyams’ make-up artist. “Make-up magician” would be a better term. We don't
know of anyone else who can make 20 years and thirty pounds disappear. The lighting man
probably has something to do with it, so get him, too.

2. Practice lowering your voice. Harold can show you how (a pioneer in the advertising field, he
has much to teach us). Try for a Bill Sherrill pitch. If you are a woman, you may not quite get
there: try instead for Rule no.3:

3. Don't Smile. Sternness is almost as good as a low voice. You may not look your best this way
(word has it that Sarah Showard now has offers from glue factories all over the country) but it
will show how caring, dedicated, and smart you are. Only defense lawyers smile at the
misfortunes of others, you see. Exception to the rule: If you never smile in person, then smile
on TV (Why? We don’t know, but that’s the way they do it.)

4. Wear a suit. If necessary, you can rent one. Exception: if your gimmick is that you are a low-
cost lawyer, look like you can't afford one.

5. Wear your toupee.

6. Try not to look like a used-car salesman. Harold’s early ads featured him beside the hood of a
car; he hasn’t made that mistake lately. Similarly, Bob Hoyt never appears at all any more, wisely
doing a voice-over instead.

7. Be in court, near court, or near something that looks like court. For interior shots, don’t use
the cheesy Pima County courtrooms; go to an old courthouse in one of the out counties, built
back in the days when they were designed to please judges, not bureaucrats (or, rather, in the
days when the two were not the same thing). Alternative: be in something that looks like a law
office. If necessary, you can rent one. If the best you can do is your own office, though, you can
use a tight shot of your library table; clear the food and trash off of it first, and pose people
sitting beside it who look like they know how to read (you may not find them in your own firm).

The alternative to using lawyers in the TV ad is to use clients. But don’t ever, ever use real ones. Fat, ugly people, surly about the pain their chiropractor (or yours) has convinced them they have, are not attractive of business. Hire actors; local ones can be had fairly cheaply and will make a good appearance.

If you have a lot of money, get the whole job done on the Coast. Have it done locally if you must, but don’t do it yourself. That last one is important, so we’ll repeat it: Don’t do it yourself. Have pros take the pictures; don’t use the Circuit City video camera you bought to take pictures of the kids at Pacific

Beach. Exception: if you want that “Generation-X” look said to appeal to the young of mind, use your own camera, shake it, and hold it sideways.