Paper

Paper is too big a subject for one article but we’ll never write another “Tools of the Trade” because of the death threats so we’ll stick mostly to one important thing: stationery.

The History of Paper

Once upon a time people wrote on papyrus (made from an Egyptian reed) and, later, parchment (made from animal hide). Parchment replaced papyrus for reasons of availability and durability. Paper is traditionally said to have been invented by the Chinese in the eleventh century A.D. but is perhaps a couple hundred years older than that. Knowledge of the paper-making process passed slowly over the trade routes, to Samarkand and from there to Europe.

Paper used to be made of cloth. In the 19th century a German discovered that it could also be made from wood, which is now the primary ingredient in most paper. In fact, paper of one sort or another can be made from many fibrous materials.

In paper-making the raw material, whatever it is, is chopped, mixed into a slurry with water, and poured onto a wire frame; then the water is pressed out. In the process the fibers link together. Various additives, depending on the type of paper desired, can be mixed into the slurry or coated onto the sheet in the frame (which nowadays is an endless belt, like an assembly line).

Stationery

Once upon a time, the Crane Company sold as stationery the same type of paper it printed corporate bonds on. Crane called it -- you guessed it -- “bond” paper. It became popular and prestigious, and so other papers began calling themselves “bond” paper. Nowadays the label means nothing and is

stuck on anything the manufacturer wants to sell you as stationery.

There are three basic variable in stationery: composition, weight, and color.

Composition: The best paper is made entirely from cotton. Its sometimes called “rag” bond because it used to be made from rags. Some law firms still use it. Most use paper made of a wood/cotton blend, the sole advantage of which is that its cheaper. Pima County Superior Court stationery is 25% cotton. Applying the legal standard of preponderance would make that thin cardboard, not paper, but at least this is one thing that our bureaucrats are actually saving money on. Wood content makes paper coarser, stiffer, and weaker. It also makes the paper eventually turn brown and brittle, though this is not significant unless you’re writing something you need to hold up well for many decades. On the other hand, a stiff paper can fool some people into thinking that its thicker, which brings us to weight:

Weight: As a practical matter this means how thick the paper is. Most common stationery is 20-weight; 24 is more prestigious; 28 — which we have seen used by an upscale New York firm — is almost disconcertingly thick to those used to lighter weights.

Color: If you want to be taken seriously, use white. But if you’ve ever shopped for paint you know that white” is a slippery concept. In theory white should not have shades; in practice it has at least as and when you see white paint you think you recognize it, but then you see something different that calls itself white, and indeed it is white, so then you wonder which of them is really white, and then you see yet another white -- and so you decide to go look at the new barbecue grills instead. In any event, white paper comes in shades, all of them claiming to be white, most insisting that they’re whiter than others. Ultra-white paper gets that way by using the same trick your laundry detergent and television tube do: mixing in a bit of blue. Ultra-white paper tends to look flashy, like advertising stock or the coated paper this newsletter would be printed on if the editor had anyone to charge the cost to; whether flashy is you want in your correspondence is, unfortunately, up to you.

Recycled Paper

Recycled paper proves that people are basically well-intentioned, basically morons, or basically both. There is no earthly reason for recycling paper except to provide an outlet for the expression of beneficent impulses — and, of course, to make money for the people providing the outlet. Wood for paper comes from trees that are farmed; no forests, species, or lands are endangered. Cloth for paper is fabric-industry detritus, stuff that would have to be burned or landfilled if it weren’t made into paper. Paper itself is as biodegradable as the wood and cloth it’s made from. Reclaiming used paper requires yet another set of trucks driving back and forth spewing fumes into the air; making it into new paper requires many tons of toxic chemicals to clean it, bleach it, etc., that are themselves hauled around in more trucks or trains and that then have to be dumped somewhere except that they can’t be dumped anywhere because of environmental problems everywhere.

Of course, sophisticated types are aware that merely using recycled paper is not enough; one must use “post-consumer recycled.” That means that the paper really does re-use your stationery rather than, for example, paper-industry detritus. That makes it even more expensive, and even white paper needs bleaching when recycled, so it doesn’t save on chemicals. And what does the paper industry do with what is either paper raw material or garbage?

A far better case could be made for recycling paper clips, which use up a scarce resource and which need only heat to turn them into something recycled, but we don’t recall seeing any recycle-your-paper-clips-here boxes. Paper recycling is like those programs during World War II where people donated all their rubber, nylons, aluminum foil, etc. and only years later did it come out that the stuff wasn’t used and couldn’t be used and the only reason the government collected it in the first place was to give people the feeling of participating in the “war effort.” Those nice paper collection boxes in offices give people the feeling of helping the environment, enlightened minds having long since deemed feelings more important than realities.

(Why aren’t paper clips recycled? Because, like paper, it would cost far too much; unlike paper, there are no federal grants to support it. Like the wheat in your bread, you pay for recycled paper twice: once to subsidize making it and again to use it.)

What have we learned? Buy 100% cotton bond paper, unrecycled, white but not ultra-white, 24-pound weight. The average person cannot tell you about these details but does notice them. This paper will help you to seem solid, reliable, and impressive — until, that is, they read what you’ve put on your paper.